Epiphany of the Teenaged Girl
by Rhino7
Summary: What exactly does Selphie do all day while the boys are sparring? Pre-KH1.


**Epiphany of the Teenaged Girl**

**By Rhino7**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This little bit of nonsense is mine. I've been really busy and stressed out from college finals and whenever I have had time to write fiction, all my stories have been serious and depressing. I was a little slap happy now that exams are over, and thus this thing was born. Bear in mind, I haven't written anything in a while…You were warned.**

**..:--X--:..**

Sitting there. Sitting there and staring off at the horizon. That's all Selphie did. Day in, day out. The group of friends would paddle over to their island, their epicenter of mayhem, their fortress of solitude, and while the boys took turns beating the crap out of each other with wooden sticks, Selphie would sit on the pier and stare off.

Occasionally she'd snatch up her little jump rope and join in the fray, but it was a short lived lark and soon she was planted back on the beach, perfectly content to just sit there, a faraway look in her eyes. Kairi marveled at it.

Kairi had never really noticed it until lately. While she was busy sending Sora and Riku on errands and odd jobs for the raft, she'd look through the cloud of sand that was Tidus versus Wakka, and spy Selphie, hands on her knees, legs dangling off the peer, lax expression on her face.

"—seems kinda silly to me. Won't we be surrounded by fish?" Sora was rambling.

Kairi blinked and looked at Sora, "What?"

Sora lifted up three slick, dripping fish in his right hand. "Why do we need fish again? We'll be out in the ocean, surrounded by fish, right?"

Kairi tilted her head and opened her mouth, but Riku's voice answered first. "Sora, remember what your mom warned you about thinking. As little as possible."

Sora stuck his tongue out at Riku over his shoulder. Kairi smirked and took the fish. Riku made a face at Sora's back, mimicking Sora getting a headache from thinking too hard. She snorted and Sora whirled around, catching Riku in the act before Riku could pull a straight face.

"You--!" Sora didn't finish his threat, lunging at his friend.

Riku side stepped to avoid the tackle and shrugged nonchalantly, "Too slow."

Sora staggered off balance and spun for a fresh attack, but Riku dodged that too. Farther across the beach, Wakka was launching blitzball missiles at Tidus's head.

"Take this!" Wakka leapt into the air and hurtled the ball at Tidus.

Tidus pulled into a quick back flip and countered the ball with the side of his red stick. "Haha!" he cried out in victory, but was quickly stifled as Wakka caught the ricocheting ball and prepared to pitch it again.

Past them, Selphie was perched on the peer, half watching the boys duke it out and half zoned out completely. Kairi tilted her head. Was something wrong with her today?

"Loserssaywhat!" Riku grunted.

"What?" Sora blurted.

"Ha!" Riku barked in laughter.

Kairi dropped her gaze back to them. Riku had Sora in an effective headlock, the two boys kicking up and sand and rocks as they wrestled on the ground. Sora threw a sharp elbow into Riku's ribs and was rewarded with slack in the grip. He pulled away and rolled to his feet. Riku caught his breath and stood too, both looking ready for battle.

What was it with boys and violence? Kairi exhaled heavily in defeat.

"Riku, did you get those other logs we needed?" She asked.

"Yeah." Riku replied automatically without looking at her.

"Stupid people say what!" Sora barked.

Riku smirked and didn't bite.

Sora grimaced and slapped his arms to his sides, "Dang it!"

"Take this!" Wakka's battle cry sounded over.

Kairi saw the ball connect with Tidus's weapon again out of the corner of her eye. This time, however, the ball hit at a weird angle, shooting off the wood and zooming straight for—

"Home run!" Tidus yelled.

WHAM!

Sora flew face first into the sand as the blitzball connected solidly with the back of his head with a loud thump. As he hit the ground, he remained prostrate, fingers twitching, face planted against the ground. Back around the beach, Wakka and Tidus stopped their match to look over. Slowly, Sora lifted his face out of the sand, half of it was plastered to his face anyway, and spat out a small clod of dirt.

Quietly, Kairi looked from Sora, to Tidus and Wakka, to Sora, and finally lifted her gaze to Riku. He caught her eyes and there was a pause. It was immediately broken as Kairi and Riku exploded with laughter. Kairi fell to her knees and lifted a hand to cover her mouth, not stifling anything. Riku managed to stay standing, but one hand was on his knee and the other was wrapped around his sides. Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie were all having fits too.

Sora pushed himself up onto his elbows, "I hate you all."

Kairi blinked the tears from her eyes, slowly regaining control of her laughter, managing to get air into her lungs. "I'm--sorry. I--I'm sorry, S-Sora."

Sora waved her off, picking up the blitzball and tossing it back to Wakka, who could barely catch it for shaking with the giggles.

"Nice catch, Sora." Riku chuckled, straightening.

Sora's face was slightly pink and he brushed off the sand. "You'll pay for that, Tidus!"

Tidus gave his best 'Who me?' look before grinning mischievously, "Is that a challenge?"

Wakka spun the ball on his finger, "Hey, we weren't done with our match yet, ya?"

Sora pulled out his own wooden sword and brandished it with a flourish, "I'll take both of you!"

Tidus cowered behind Wakka, who covered his face with his hands, both letting out shrieks of terror. "Spare us! We aren't worthy!"

"How about I take all three of you?" Riku joined in the banter.

Now Tidus and Wakka did look uneasy, and Sora noticed with a scoff.

Kairi shook her head, "Come on, guys, it's getting late. We should be heading—"

"Silence!" Tidus pointed at her dramatically, "Women must not interfere with the quarrels of men!"

Kairi put her hands on her hips, "Selphie plays."

Tidus snorted, "Yeah, she 'plays'. We don't mess around, sister. We're warriors, baby!" He struck a pose.

Behind him, Wakka quirked an eyebrow and jammed a finger into Tidus's stomach, making him double over, "All right there, macho man."

Riku shook his head, "I don't know, she put the whoop down on you the other day." He leaned back and yelled, "Hey, Selphie! You want in?"

Selphie looked over, grinning, but shaking her head, "No, that's okay, thanks. You can beat him up without me this time."

Tidus bristled and turned to fire off a smart remark, but Wakka planted his blitzball firmly into Tidus's face.

"If you can't say anything nice…" Wakka warned, removing the ball from Tidus's face and heading back to the battle ground on the beach.

Tidus rubbed his nose, "Ow, I wasn't gonna say anything!" He followed after Wakka to resume their sparring.

"Hey! I challenged both of you!" Sora jogged after them.

Kairi and Riku exchanged a look. Riku smirked and reached down, picking up a fist sized chunk of sand and chucking it after his friends. The chunk promptly splattered against the back of Wakka's shoulder.

"You little--!" Wakka turned and launched the blitzball…at Sora.

Sora blocked it and the deflected ball bounced off and smashed into Tidus's face again.

"Ha! Not so funny when you're eating it, eh?" Sora teased.

Tidus's response was to swing his sword around and smack it against Sora's hip. Sora jumped, smarting at the blow, and was soon going in for another attack while Wakka snatched up his ball and started aiming.

All the while, Kairi just stood there, holding the three fish in her hands. Riku stood a few feet away, looking pleased with how his actions had prompted this battle. He folded his arms and clicked his tongue a few times, looking over at Kairi.

"They're such children." He let out an eccentric sigh and lifted his sword again, "Best go discipline them."

With that, he bounded into the trio, tackling Wakka to the sand and tripping Tidus as he did so. Kairi snorted and placed the fish in the cloth bag she'd brought with her. Setting the bag against the wall of the cove, she walked along the water line of the beach, careful to avoid the flailing limbs and flinging sand of the epic 'quarrel of men'.

Instead, she skirted over to where Selphie was at the pier, swinging her legs slightly, looking highly amused by the beach entertainment. Kairi saundered over and hopped up onto the pier, sitting beside her friend and swinging her legs in the same fashion.

"Hey, Selphie."

"Hey."

"Are you okay?"

"What?" Selphie looked at her, looking genuinely surprised at the question. "Yeah, why?"

Kairi lifted her shoulders, clasping her fingers around the edge of the pier. "You've been really quiet lately. You haven't really done anything when we've come over here recently. Is something on your mind?"

Selphie chewed the side of her lip thoughtfully, "Not really."

Kairi saw through that, "Spill it."

Selphie grinned mischievously, "No. It's not something I can explain. Just experience it yourself."

Kairi pursed her lips, blinked, tilted her head, and looked away from Selphie, "Oh, good. I was afraid you weren't going to give me a straight answer."

Selphie giggled, "You'll see."

So they just sat there, watching the boys spar. Riku took down Wakka and Tidus promptly jumped on his back, taking Riku to his knees. Sora allied with Tidus to push Riku to the sand, smacking him repeatedly until Wakka took Tidus's legs out from under him with a leg sweep. As he fell, Tidus swatted Sora in the back. Sora pitched forward and Riku flipped him over so that he landed on his back, giving Riku enough time to get to his feet.

They only paused once, when a wild swing from Sora hit Wakka full on the mouth, making his lip bleed. They stopped just long enough for Wakka to wave them off, wiping the bubble of red across the back of his arm, and then they were back at it again. From the girls' position on the pier, Kairi shook her head.

"I just don't understand it. Sora just nearly took out Wakka's front teeth."

Selphie giggled, "I know. Wakka'll get him for it too."

Kairi glanced at Selphie and then back at the fray. "There's never a winner. Even if Riku clobbers all of them—"

"If? He's the only one not sporting a bloody lip or bruised face."

"But if he does," Kairi continued, "One of them will just challenge him again and the vicious cycle repeats. What's the point?"

Selphie knocked her shoulder against Kairi's, "They're boys. They're not supposed to make sense. Fighting, farting, and cat calls: that's all their minds function toward."

Kairi grimaced, "Thanks for that, Selphie."

By some miracle, Tidus managed to pin Riku down. This was a short lived victory as Sora knocked Wakka over. Wakka landed on Tidus and Riku flipped them both over, rolling to his feet and taking a swipe at Sora, who looked stunned at having actually knocked Wakka down. Wakka and Tidus disentangled themselves and allied with Sora to go after Riku.

Kairi squinted. There were no allies. They teamed up and attacked their common enemy and then immediately attacked their allies. What kind of sense did that make?

"We hang out with idiots." Kairi realized out loud.

Selphie nodded slowly, "It's exactly the kinds of things like this that reinforce that women are the smarter sex."

Kairi nodded in agreement. Strangely enough, she didn't get bored of watching her four friends pummel each other. Beside her, Selphie bobbed and leaned as she watched, like one of those sports' fans who tried to will their team to win, only there wasn't even a team here. Squinting one eye, Kairi watched Wakka latch his arms around Sora's midsection and heft him off the ground, slinging him around like a ragdoll.

"Well, now it's really getting late." Kairi glanced over at the sun, which was still a few hours from setting, but nonetheless broadcasting the nearing of dusk.

Selphie made as if to grab her wrist and looked up at her, "You're not leaving now?"

Kairi quirked an eyebrow, "As entertaining as this is, I do have to get home."

Selphie shook her head, "But it's just getting good!"

As if on cue, Sora let out a loud yelp as Wakka turned and bodily threw Sora into the foamy salt waves of the ocean. Selphie did a little fist pump in triumph and patted the pier next to Kairi.

"Come, sit, enjoy." She tempted.

Kairi found herself plopping back to her seat, unsure why all of a sudden the battle was growing more entertaining.

Sora surfaced, gagging on salt water and shaking his head until his hair spiked back into place with a gravity defying pop. He splashed at Wakka, but hit Tidus instead. Tidus retaliated by kicking water at him. A lot of good that did, Sora was already soaked. Riku flew out of nowhere and tackled Tidus into the water, hard enough to disorient him, but not with enough force to smash Tidus's face into the bed of the shallows.

Before Tidus came sputtering up for air, Sora had latched an arm around Riku's neck and dragged him the rest of the way into the water. Riku choked and lost his balance, toppling into the ocean. Unlike Sora, when Riku came up again, his hair was slick and glued to his scalp. Tidus was up now and trying to drag Wakka in. Kairi tilted her head and wondered what would happen to Wakka's hair when wet.

Her wondering was soon answered as Riku joined Tidus in his effort and they knocked Wakka off balance.

"Timber!" Sora yelled as Wakka splashed into the water, kicking foam and trying to throw Riku off.

Tidus was trying to crawl out, but Sora grabbed his ankles, dragging him back in, leaving a trench of sand that worked its way into Tidus's shirt. Tidus grabbed up his sword again and swung it around to collide evenly with the side of Sora's skull.

It was like watching something out of a bad movie. Like when the guys start daydreaming of girls mud wrestling in bikinis or something in slow motion. Only here Kairi was, with Selphie, watching it all unfold. All they needed now was outdated music and ripped shirts. And maybe popcorn.

"Ugh." She made a disgusted noise and leaned back to stand up.

Selphie looked offended, "Don't tell me you're not enjoying this?"

"Honestly, Selphie? Is this how you get your kicks?"

"Will you make that sound again if I say yes?"

Kairi's face went lax. Selphie shrugged, "Yes."

Kairi rolled her eyes, "Well, you're just sick then. I'm going home."

"But—"

Kairi turned to cut her off but couldn't help her eyes drifting back to the boys. As it so happened, this was when Sora stood up and straightened. Cue outdated music and slow motion. After wrestling in the water, Sora's clothes were soaked. His shirt was plastered to his body and his pants were heavy with water. The waist band had been strained by the water and was currently hanging low around Sora's hips.

Just as cruelly, Riku's shirt was glued to his torso, accentuating the taut, washboard resemblance of his stomach. The water ran in rivulets down his back, curving with the sliding muscles of his shoulders. Wakka and Tidus were locked in combat, clothes equally drenched and…clinging. Now it really was like a scene from a bad movie…but with a VERY good view.

"Sweet lord…" Kairi murmured, sinking once again to her seat.

"…of the rings." Selphie finished, a wry grin manipulating her face.

"We are sick. Very, very sick." Kairi stated.

"Yep." Selphie agreed.

"We should stop."

"Yep."

Neither of them moved or averted their eyes.

Selphie cupped her hands to her mouth, "Hey, Sora! I've never seen the moon during the day!"

Sora glanced over at her, saw Selphie and Kairi smirking, flushed slightly, and hitched up his pants before going on to smack his sword into Wakka's back.

Kairi pouted, "Oh I need to get away from this. You're corrupting me as we speak."

It was the third time's a charm as Kairi got to her feet again, amidst Selphie's mantra of "But!' and the sound of wooden swords slapping against skin and splashing water.

"I'm going home!" Kairi declared a loud, as if to convince herself.

Selphie pouted. The guys, who were by now starting to tire, glanced over at her.

"All right. See ya later, Kairi!" Sora waved.

Riku took the opportunity of distraction to knock Sora's knees out from under him. Sora crumpled into the water, arm still up at his head. Tidus made to jump Riku again, but Wakka lifted his hands.

"Wait, wait, wait! How about a truce, ya?"

The four boys paused, looking around each other.

"Okay."

"Fine."

"Truce?"

"Truce."

A beat passed.

Sora pushed Riku out of the water and onto the dry sand. Wakka immediately caught Sora by the scruff of the neck and hurtled him out into deeper water. Tidus tripped on his own feet. Riku scrambled to his feet as Sora paddled back to get his feet under him. Their movements were slowed now, and they were panting for breath. The big battle had fizzled down to sluggish, half hearted shoves.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay a while longer?" Selphie asked.

Kairi lifted her hands to her ears. "No! Tempt me not!"

Selphie lifted her shoulders, "I'm just saying, round two will probably start up in a few minutes after they catch their breath."

"Round two?" Kairi dared to ask.

Selphie grinned, "Yeah. Pick up the swords and start the attack fresh out of the water."

Kairi made the mistake of hesitating in her answer.

Selphie's grin widened, "And round two is wet."

Kairi bit her bottom lip, pondered, watched the boys drag themselves out of the water, glared at Selphie, and groaned, "You're a twisted individual, Selphie."

Selphie bobbed her head victoriously, "I'm not the one checking out Monsieur Hipbones over there."

Kairi bowed her head to let the wind move her hair to cover her blush, sinking for the fourth and final time to sit in defeat beside her friend. Back on the beach, the boys were gathering up their weapons, prodding at new bruises and scrubbing off wet sand.

"Loserssaywhat!" Riku bellowed.

"What?" Sora involuntarily asked, immediately catching himself and punching the sand.

Riku let out a howl of laughter.

"Oh yeah? Well morons say what!"

Riku shook his head and Sora pouted.

"Dang it!"

Kairi sighed as Sora pulled his pants up again, "We need to go to church."

Selphie nodded towards Tidus bending to pick up his fallen sword. "Amen to that."

**..:--X--:..**

**A/N:** My apologies for the bad writing quality. This was more of a stress release at two in the morning than an honest one-shot. I must confess the 'Sweet lord…' '…of the rings.' is not an original quote. I stole it from Supernatural. I know it's OOC, but it was too good to pass up.

Fear not, this is not a foreshadowing of where my writing is going. I just needed a break from the angsty/depression-ridden fics I've been plotting and playing with for a swim in the waters of silliness. Now that I'm on holiday break, I have a whole month to get those creative juices flowing again. I expect to be back at full power once I go home in a few days, so until then…later, taters!


End file.
